When I started this blog I wanted to only write about happy, joyful events. Wanted to only write about decorating & domestication, with a side of whimsy. Write about how silly my adventures are in the kitchen, shopping & playing with my kids. Write about how even though hubby & I have to steal our moments together, he still makes my heart flutter. Write about gardening & farm dreams. Write about all the good things in life.
However, my reality is life is hard around here at times. When our storms hit, they can bring some of the darkest, most ominous looking clouds. Clouds that would make anyone crawl back under the covers & shove a pillow over their head. Our BIG “cloud” is autism & the symptoms of autism spectrum disorders. Have I mentioned how I hate autism? I don’t want to only make people aware of autism. I don’t want to only defeat autism. I want to eliminate autism’s very existence!!! Every symptom, every debilitating aspect of autism makes me sick with anger & sorrow!!
It has been a very difficult week in our home. Today in particular, makes me hang on to the scripture that’s on my header ”His grace is sufficient for me”. Jo has had a terrible time coping with changes in his classroom at school. His teacher has been out all week for a conference & they have a substitute. Most kids can learn to adapt to these glitches in a routine. Not my Jo, it is catastrophic to him & he can’t function. His teachers are his rock of stability outside of his home. Consequentially he has gone from a smart, 98%, “A” student- to a jumping, flapping, screaming, aggressive child & emotionally fragile little boy. He’s still a smart cookie & always a walking fountain of intelligence. It’s his coping methods that have been hacked by this thing called autism!
Last night I rocked him & rubbed his back while he cried buckets of tears into his pillow. This morning he stuttered & couldn’t find words. His language was flipped backwards & side ways. It almost took the “jaws of life” to get that boy out of bed & ready for school. Once he did find his footing, he screamed & fell into a puddle of sobbing on the floor, all the while shouting & throwing everything at Ben. This is the very same little boy that can’t get out the front door & to school fast enough most days. (Jo loves school!) He wanted to be able to do it, but his little world was colliding on him & all he wanted was a stable, safe place to pull the pieces together.
Mom declared it a “sick” day for Jo. He has not missed a single day of school this year or ever been tardy. However, this Mama Bear was going to do everything to pull her cub back into this world. I spent the day trying to engage him, encouraging him, tickling, snuggling, wrestling, listening to him & deciphering what I could pick out of his words. Really being there for him, all else aside. It was a stop, drop & love him day.
Throughout the whole day my mind wrestled with whether I was doing the best things for Jo. One day with an autistic child having a bad day will cause every bone in your body to question or doubt the tiniest of any decision as a parent! It’s horrible watching your child go thru that & feeling so helpless. I kept running to the bathroom to pray for God’s help & perfect peace. We’re nearing the end of the day & rest in the assurance of my Lord. This too shall pass & His grace IS sufficient whispers me to the finish line.
I did not write any of this to make anyone feel sorry for me or pity my son or our circumstances. It can get lonely & rough on this road of ours. I’m discovering that I need all the support I can get. This is my attempt at keeping it “real” & besides, confession is good for the soul. Any followers or friends that have called on Jesus as Savior, please pray for us. We could use heaven sent blessings & encouragement. Thanks for being here! ((Hugs…))
However, my reality is life is hard around here at times. When our storms hit, they can bring some of the darkest, most ominous looking clouds. Clouds that would make anyone crawl back under the covers & shove a pillow over their head. Our BIG “cloud” is autism & the symptoms of autism spectrum disorders. Have I mentioned how I hate autism? I don’t want to only make people aware of autism. I don’t want to only defeat autism. I want to eliminate autism’s very existence!!! Every symptom, every debilitating aspect of autism makes me sick with anger & sorrow!!
It has been a very difficult week in our home. Today in particular, makes me hang on to the scripture that’s on my header ”His grace is sufficient for me”. Jo has had a terrible time coping with changes in his classroom at school. His teacher has been out all week for a conference & they have a substitute. Most kids can learn to adapt to these glitches in a routine. Not my Jo, it is catastrophic to him & he can’t function. His teachers are his rock of stability outside of his home. Consequentially he has gone from a smart, 98%, “A” student- to a jumping, flapping, screaming, aggressive child & emotionally fragile little boy. He’s still a smart cookie & always a walking fountain of intelligence. It’s his coping methods that have been hacked by this thing called autism!
Last night I rocked him & rubbed his back while he cried buckets of tears into his pillow. This morning he stuttered & couldn’t find words. His language was flipped backwards & side ways. It almost took the “jaws of life” to get that boy out of bed & ready for school. Once he did find his footing, he screamed & fell into a puddle of sobbing on the floor, all the while shouting & throwing everything at Ben. This is the very same little boy that can’t get out the front door & to school fast enough most days. (Jo loves school!) He wanted to be able to do it, but his little world was colliding on him & all he wanted was a stable, safe place to pull the pieces together.
Mom declared it a “sick” day for Jo. He has not missed a single day of school this year or ever been tardy. However, this Mama Bear was going to do everything to pull her cub back into this world. I spent the day trying to engage him, encouraging him, tickling, snuggling, wrestling, listening to him & deciphering what I could pick out of his words. Really being there for him, all else aside. It was a stop, drop & love him day.
Throughout the whole day my mind wrestled with whether I was doing the best things for Jo. One day with an autistic child having a bad day will cause every bone in your body to question or doubt the tiniest of any decision as a parent! It’s horrible watching your child go thru that & feeling so helpless. I kept running to the bathroom to pray for God’s help & perfect peace. We’re nearing the end of the day & rest in the assurance of my Lord. This too shall pass & His grace IS sufficient whispers me to the finish line.
I did not write any of this to make anyone feel sorry for me or pity my son or our circumstances. It can get lonely & rough on this road of ours. I’m discovering that I need all the support I can get. This is my attempt at keeping it “real” & besides, confession is good for the soul. Any followers or friends that have called on Jesus as Savior, please pray for us. We could use heaven sent blessings & encouragement. Thanks for being here! ((Hugs…))
Oh my. Bless your hearts! My dear cousin has an almost 18 yr old son that is autistic, and it has been very hard at times. They live in Spokane WA, and the school district where they live is very good, so that has been a huge help. In fact he is just now getting his Boy Scout Eagle award!
ReplyDeleteYour little Jo is a cutie. Hope it will be better for him. How much longer till his reg teacher comes back? I think you were wise to have a "sick day". Hang in there. Hugs and prayers.
Mercy
I have no idea what you are going through but it sounds like you are handling things very well!!! I think it sounds like you are one awesome mommy! I hope the rest of the week goes better for your little Jo!
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
Pam
Many, many hugs to you! This has to be a tough time for all of you! I hope the teacher gets back and things get back on track.
ReplyDeleteWorking at the school and being around so many kids with varying issues, I have come to realize how easily things really mess things up for some kids. And for some reason around here, it seems the kids with the disorders get moved around and have their world flipped upside down more than others! For example, they're remodeling the school so they put two trailers out in the parking lot for classrooms while they work inside. They moved one of the learning support classes to the trailer, instead of one of the regular classes! One of the kids aides just up and quit and left him without anyone last Friday. The kid has been hard to deal with and mind you, he's one that's prone to throwing tantrums. Now he has to get used to a new aide and they have to find an aide that will deal with his kicking and screaming....:( And the worst thing of all, around here the kids with disorders and disabilities get moved from school to school through several school districts during their school careers! They need to be in one place and stay there!
Hoping for a better day for you today...
Leslie
My prayers go out to you for this post. A few years ago my daughter’s kindergarten teacher was out on maternity leave during the middle of the school year. She & the other students really had a hard time adjusting. I think that all children like consistency, and fell secure when their own teacher is there.
ReplyDeleteI have to truly commend you though on knowing that sometimes they really need a day off, and not just sending him so that you wouldn’t have to “deal with it” where I think that other parents might have. It really sounds like you are doing a great job, and God has given you great strength.
I hope the rest of your have a day goes well.
amy
P.S. I had came over from the SPFH to say hello, because I noticed that you were a TX gal also. 3Cheers4mom
Sondra, know that you are not alone, My thoughts prayers are with you and your family. And know that if you ever need to vent, or a shoulder to cry on...I am here for you....Oh that's what a Blogs for :D, But, I'm still here anyway!:"D
ReplyDeleteHugs, Your Friend,
Christine