Buttermilk Biscuit Boo-Boos

"SOUTHERN SECRETS
the gloves are off, sweet Southern Belle-
It's been too long and you must tell
that Dixie secret so well kept
It makes you all seem so adept
At making biscuits with such ease

While mine look like the worst disease" - author 'Bnd-WriteNow'

I learned to bake at an early age of 8 years. Cookies for Daddy & sweet desserts for loved ones. I enjoy & find fulfillment in baking. I make all my kid's birthday cakes vs buying from a grocery bakery. It seems like with each passing year, I've had a slow leak & have lost my baking groove. Many of my old standbys for the holidays have botched & flopped. Don't know what gives? About the only thing I can make regular like, with decent results are muffins.

Biscuits are a southern staple & I've been inspired lately to master the art of baking buttermilk biscuits. I owe it to my family & dream of my boys fondly holding on to something memorable of my cooking. (Other than take out!)

I started my research about buttermilk & found you could actually buy low fat buttermilk. Score, both for taste & the waistline! My local Tom Thumb recently had it on sale, so I decided then & there to start the buttermilk biscuit journey. I brought it home, cracked it open & set out all my ingredients. I found this recipe on RecipeZaar http://recipezaar.com/Southern-Buttermilk-Biscuits-26110 I opted for this version because I had butter on hand & there's something about baking with Crisco that kinda creeps me out. (What is it, why does it stay in solid form in the pantry for soooo long? Where does that stuff go in my body, directly coating my arteries or does it flush out?)

First thing that happened is little Ben saw the Buttermilk carton & wanted a glass. I said "No, sweety-you aren't gonna like it." but thought don't a good bit of people drink that stuff & love it? I agreed to his request with the notion I'd try a sip 1st. Uggghhh, spit it out in the sink & yet still offered it up to him to try. He winced & looked at me like "are you crazy?!!! I just saw you gag it up, silly woman!!". He politely said "no thanks" & left the kitchen abruptly. Lol...

As I continued to mix the ingredients & got to step 3 "cut the butter into chunks and cut into the flour until it resembles course meal". I cut & cut that cold "but-AH" in. All I could think is that there must be some sorta butter chunk cutting pilates class out there, that I'm not aware of! My arms were sore from that cutting. I thought it looked chunky enough & continued on.

As I began to pour in that "fresh" buttermilk, I was overcome by the unfamilar & "not so fresh" scent. I ignored it a little & finished mixing. Carefully, patting out my dough & careful not to over pat it or roll it. I wanted slightly larger biscuits than what my biscuit cutter produced, so on went the search thru my cupboards. Ah-ha, I found the perfect size...this is what became my impromptu biscuit cutter

Thank you Chuck E Cheese for your drink toppers! I finished cutting them out, greasing my pan & laying them out to bake up nice.

Just shy of a baker's dozen, I tucked those cute babies into the toasty oven. Then my mind wandered back to that oddity of a smell in the buttermilk. I made me up some sweet tea & did a little google search on how to tell when buttermilk goes bad.....
Turns out, to my amazement, it's suppose to smell sour. Relief settled in & I decided to make up some venison breakfast sausage to go along with the biscuits.

In a short while those biscuits were ready to make their grand entrance.....

They looked a little dry to me-but I still served them up to my men folk & waited anxiously for a good or bad reaction.Now Jo is virtually a complete vegetarian (by his choosing) & wouldn't try them with sausage. However, he is a great carbaholic & ate one anyway. With not too much reaction.

Ben probably wasn't the 1st reaction I should've checked, because kids-they can be brutally honest. Be still my aching heart....

The Hubster, he will eat just about anything I hand deliver to him with a smile. However, he won't be the one to tell me if it's a dud....

They turned out a little dense, but were edible along with the breakfast sausage. Back to the drawing board...sigh! It must be my outta shape butter cuttin' arms. Or maybe it's just one of those recipes that whips together with no ease, IF you have a Kitchen Aid mixer with bread hook. (On my kitchen wish list, but don't own one.)

The next day I still had a load of buttermilk left & made the biscuit dough up in the bread machine. It has one great butter cuttin' arm on it! I could instantly feel the difference in the dough when it came time to pat it out. That batch was better, but something is still missing. Could it be the butter instead of Crisco? I know that certain cookies simply will not do with butter & only fluff up with the Crisco.

For now, I guess I'm stuck to being a Pillsbury frozen biscuit gal. They have it down to perfection anyhow & if I only buy them once in awhile, with coupon...well. It'll just have to do.

I'm taping this phrase over my buttermilk biscuit recipes "Of course, it's all presentation for the Southern Belle. If it doesn't look like it's out of a can, how will he evah know?" (just add a few sprigs of this or that) - GRITS pearl of wisdom #11 from the 'GRITS Guide to Life' Deborah Ford

"ew,who,woo!!" (my best Pillsbury dough boy impression)