I’m reminded of one of my favorite children’s books by Karen Kingsbury, ‘Let Me Hold You Longer’. “Long ago you came to me, a miracle of firsts: First smiles and teeth and baby steps, a sunbeam on the burst. But one day you will move away and leave to me your past. And I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts….”
“The last time that I held a bottle to your baby lips. The last time that I lifted you and held you on my hip. The last night when you woke up crying needing to be walked, When last you crawled up with your blanket wanting to be rocked.”
“The last time when you ran to me, still small enough to hold. The last time that you said you’d marry me when you grew old. Precious, simple moments and bright flashes from your past-Would I have held on longer if I’d known they were your last?…”
“Your last few hours of kindergarten, those last days of first grade, Your last at bat in Little League, last colored picture made.” “I never said good-bye to all your yesterdays long passed. So what about tomorrow-will I recognize your lasts?”
The story goes on, as the boy grows to a young adult & all his “lasts”, until he leaves for college. It ends with “Let me hold on longer, God, to every precious last.” Sniff, I’m trying hard to get past crying & write this now…..
I know I’m more than a little dramatic. The youngest of my brood is not going to college, simply beginning elementary school. Whew, pull it together here girl! I think it’s the anticipation of it all & the reality of things to come. If I had a dime for every time I was asked over the summer “what will you ever do with yourself, now that they BOTH will be in school all day”?!!! Let’s just say I’d have a little more pocket change on me! Lol!
I really take that question to heart, because it’s always said with this dangling questionable pause from the person. As if they already know, that of course, “you will be returning to the work force, you lazy woman”!! I find myself grasping for plausible excuses, as if I have to. It’s a short coming of mine, to not become defensive of that question, honestly.
Truth be told, I don’t really know what I’m going to be doing with myself! I don’t have a jumbled agenda of a calendar for the next year or my I-phone scheduled out with endless things. My social agenda hasn’t suddenly opened up to countless luncheons with the girls etc. All that I do know is that it’s once again, only by the Lord’s Grace, that I’ll rise again to face a brave tomorrow. Without Him, I would be a sobbing jumble of a heap by now!
I plan to actually have time to clean my toilets well. I plan to have time to actually clean my new wood floors, that have only been swifters quickly this summer. I plan to have time to actually bath & groom my dog. Most importantly, I plan to have regular time with God & a fuller prayer life. Then when 3:00pm arrives each afternoon, I hope to be a better & more refreshed Mom, then I was at 7:30am for my boys. I believe my highest calling in life is to be a stay at home Mom to my children. Only by His grace…
Please pray for us all during this new beginning in all of our lives. Hugs to all!!
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